Have you got the tickets?
Hey, sis.
How can a girl like that be going out with a guy like him?
I mean, she's fit and he's not.
- Must be her brother. - Her gay brother.
Or maybe not.
- Probably just minted. - Maybe he has a very large cock.
What?
I'm not nine.
And he might.
Where'd you learn to speak like that?
Films.
Next.
- I think I'm in love. - Yeah, but this one's real.
I know.
Which means you might actually have to talk to her.
I know...
But I think I have a plan.
Screen one.
Screen seven. Screen nine.
Screen twelve.
Screen nine.
That was not talking to her.
Yeah, but did you see how she said "Screen nine" to me?
Okay.
Don't worry...
I think I have a plan B.
Popcorn - No Escurinho do Cinema -
Danny!
Lo!
Hey, I'm Kris. I'm the assistant manager here.
Get into the lift and come up to the fourth floor.
We'll get you both started. Welcome to Movie World.
Okay. I need you two to fill in one of these forms...
and then I'll take you on a tour.
Carl's Pizza.
The number must have changed. All right.
That's Carl, team leader.
- Is Max about yet? - Nah.
Follow me.
These corridors line the entire building...
and interconnect all the other areas of the complex.
They're all pretty badly designed and unsigned.
Try not to get lost.
Okay. Now, this place will become the centre of your existence.
Let me present the staff room.
Jeannie.
Most of Jeannie.
Does it fit?
In all the right places. And one wrong one.
Nice.
It's part of a promotion we're doing for a movie.
But not till tonight.
Most people think that cinemas are in the film business...
and make a little extra selling popcorn. But they're wrong.
Cinemas are in the popcorn business.
Films are just a way to get people coming through the door.
And if you give any away free, you're fired.
Now. Although not our core business...
you'll be required to know a little bit about each film...
that is playing at any one time.
This week we have eight different films...
playing at 14 separate screens.
Film one: Comedy. Keep It Simple, Stupid.
Two word review: Simple, stupid.
Film two...
Another Night Under The Stars. Romantic drama.
Actually, that one's pretty good.
Three-piss picture, if ever I saw one.
Kat has her own rating system.
The more times she remembers to urinate during a film, the worse it is.
Looks a bit lanky to me.
I think he looks really clever.
I get it. Clever guys are more creative...
you get more oral.
Sometimes the bastards even get it right.
I don't understand. Do you like men or hate men?
I hate men. But I like cock. That's the problem.
Do you always have to swear?
There's nothing wrong with swearing. It's legal. It's just not...
lady like.
But you swear at work. And they let you.
Yeah. That's cos I'm smart.
Here, I only ever swear in accordance with the film certificate.
Right, some kid comes in for a U movie, I say nothing.
If it's a PG, then I use words that have got double meanings, like...
"muff", "hoe", "toss", "stick", "pussy"...
If it's a 12, then I occasionally throw in a "shit".
If it's a 15, I give them the odd "fuck".
If it's an 18, then I say whatever dirty, nasty, sleazy smut I like...
especially if I like the guy.
You should give it a try, it's incredibly empowering.
With your stuck-up accent, you'll have blokes lining up around the block...
to hear some posh girl talk dirty to them.
Shut up.
You dirty ho.
Yeah, nice try, but I am over 18.
You really dirty ho.
Yeah, you're gonna have to keep trying. On someone else.
Now, the two big films that are opening head-to-head tonight...
are Sarah's Highly Innocent Teenage Exploration...
and The Indestructible Terror.
Sex versus violence.
The first, billed as the most sexually explicit mainstream movie ever made.
The second, the most violent.
So great, Kat pissed herself...
twice.
Finally, we have Projection.
- Hi, Kris. - Florence.
Just showing the new boys around.
- Anything else? - No, that's it.
Great.
Hi. I'm Zak, one of the projectionists.
And this is Florence...
the other one.
Up here we get the prints, splice them and project them.
At the moment this is all done on film.
Beautiful 35mm celluloid.
Used to be we used to have to change the reels every 20 minutes.
Now we just stick them all together and put them on here.
But...
from next year, all projectors will be digital...
like this tester. Then all we have to do is this.
Right.
Is there anything I need to know today, boss?
No.
No. No.
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
Yeah?
We're done. Carl asked me to come and get you.
Fine. That's good. I'll be right in.
I have no real rules.
I like to run a relaxed house.
If you want to get on my good side, don't be a yes man.
If I say "No", I like you to say "No" too.
Warn the others.
Who d'you think it is?
Okay, your duty rosters.
Katerina, Annie, Jeannie: Box office...
obviously. Siggy, Andrea: Ice cream.
Bobby, Leah: Pick 'n' mix.
Lo, Mark: Concessions.
Matt, Eve: Cleaning, usher one to seven.
Danny...
Suki: Cleaning, usher eight to 14.
And if you manage to catch any screamers...
bring them to me.
Wear these.
We need to check if anyone's recording the film.
Have we met?
Sorry?
You look really familiar.
Real lesbians are really different from screen lesbians, aren't they?
Take it like a woman, you bitch.
I suppose. But then...
aren't real people really different from screen people anyway?
What's a screamer?
A kid who runs in a screen, screams really loudly and then runs out again.
Why?
Fun.
Is it getting hot in here?
Yeah.
They're upping all the temperatures...
in all the screens that are showing Teenage Exploration.
It's to make the audience think that they're more into it.
Is it getting hot in here?
What is it with guys and porn?
It's not porn, it's art.
It says so on the poster.
Oh, so it's well-lit porn?
No.
That's erotica.
As opposed to studio-funded, hypocritical exploitation?
I think you'll find it's called Teenage Exploration.
Is it about a 16-year-old Catholic schoolgirl...
who decides to sexually experiment...
with boys, girls, whips, chains and small animals...
for a school project?
Okay, so it's exploitation.
But you do need to take a look.
- What's that... - No, no, no. Not the film.
Not even that film.
What?
What is it?
I think the boy's in serious love.
Don't do anything. Please. Don't do anything.
Men. Why is it always about sex?
Come on. You need to react a little more.
Stand straighter. Just relax.
- Suki? - Yeah?
- Suki. - Danny.
Suki.
Suck my dick, you dirty whore.
- Suki. - How about I just go down on you?
- I... - You know you like it.
What I wanted to say was...
Anal sex doesn't hurt as much as you think.
- Suki. - I've got some lubricant in the cupboard.
- Will you... - At least think about...
doing it with a small animal?
Doesn't matter.
It's not happening, is it?
I was getting pretty turned on though...
You've got to get into this sexual role-play more. Keep it simple.
Remember, you're the headmaster and I'm the sixth-former.
But I am the headmaster.
And, quite frankly, I'm not at all happy about all the profanity.
So I said to him...
"There may be three holes, but you only get to use two."
Next.
It's the wrong Coke. I wanted Diet.
I understand that, sir, but you've drunk half of it.
I didn't realize.
And I didn't want sweet popcorn.
I didn't realize.
Replace the man's popcorn and drink immediately. No charge.
I'd have a word with him, if I were you. He was most unhelpful.
- I will indeed, sir. - But...
Just...
keep looking at me and pretend that I'm having a really serious word with you.
In a minute I'm going to show you how to deal with a customer like him.
Now stop smiling.
If you ever get yourself in a situation where you need a customer to leave...
and there's no management available, this is how you get them out.
We call this the exit maneuver.
Yeah, Lake Echo was all right...
but I didn't find it believable that the girl turned out to be the spy.
Did you just say what I thought you said?
I'm sorry, sir?
You just gave away the ending of the movie.
I'm sorry, sir.
I wasn't aware you were listening in to our private conversation.
You did it on purpose, you arse.
Ask them to leave. Loudly.
I'm sorry, sir, we don't put up with that sort of abuse at this cinema.
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
And make sure others can hear you...
cos the customer will try and stay. So ask them to leave again.
Even louder.
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave now, sir.
To make them even more uptight, just count to three.
One.
Two.
Three.
Lightly touch their arm to guide them out.
They'll be coiled up so tight that they'll swing for you...
at which point, the crowd will gasp at the shock of the violence.
You'll act accordingly serious.
They'll either leave embarrassed or bolt quickly...
because they think they're gonna get arrested.
Remember, if they touch you, it's assault.
- But haven't we just touched them? - Not important.
Nobody even remembers that.
The downside is it's dangerous, technically illegal...
and doesn't always work, but if you work here longer than a week...
you'll realize throwing people out is just one of the perks of the job.
Can I have a word?
That film, you know?
- How do you know I like Suki? - Everyone likes Suki.
We saw you crash and burn.
- Everyone saw you crash and burn. - Not helping, Flo.
Well, after he hears your idea, he might prefer the not helping.
Well, he clearly needs a plan B.
I'm already on plan B.
Plan C, then.
For "cinema".
Tell me, have you ever wondered about the influence of cinema?
Not really.
Okay. Well, we'll just jump to the end then and work our way back from there.
You want the girl.
I can get you the girl.
How?
Because perfect movie moments do exist in real life.
Movies influence us.
Cinema shapes our lives, helps us make sense of the world.
Therefore if people mould the real world to reflect the film world...
film patterns should work off-screen as well as on.
I don't know what you're saying.
Okay. Think back. Think of Max.
Max sees himself as Don Corleone from The Godfather...
king of his domain.
Or Jeannie. Monroe from The Seven Year ltch.
And then there's Katerina.
Manipulative bitch.
Dishonest whore.
Jury's still out on Katerina.
- What were you saying about patterns? - You're a hero.
I am?
Well, we all are.
Life is just a series of stories with you as the hero.
You're...
Danny.
On his own quest. For the girl.
- And what are you? - Well, I'm the mentor...
imparting wisdom.
- And who am I? - You have two mentors.
So does this mean I'm gonna get the girl?
It depends what kind of film you're in.
You have a choice.
You can either try and get the girl...
or spend the rest of your life watching others get the girl.
Some people even prefer watching. Question is...
do you?
What we have to is mould real-life situations...
so that they obey film patterns.
In the right situation, anyone can get the girl.
- What do you say? - Where the hell is reel three?
- What? - Don't piss me about, Flo.
Reel 3, College Killers. Where is it?
What's he doing here?
Reel three is there. It's just after reel five.
Right. You, get back to work.
You, come with me.
No one was seeing it.
If you swap the reels, it makes the ending work.
But it's the middle.
The producers had their chance.
Just think of this as the Zak Special Edition.
The Projectionist's Cut.
You know we're being observed today?
What?
- You mean like an official observer? - I'm not sure.
Either somebody's coming to check on us, or somebody's already here.
Email wasn't clear.
What was the new kid doing in Projection?
Nothing.
He just has a healthy interest in the workings of cinema.
Not doing anything you shouldn't, are you, Kris?
Hi. Hey.
Sorry to disturb you guys.
I'm Kris, I'm the assistant manager here.
I was just wondering whether you two guys would be interested in...
two free tickets to any film at any time?
Good. I'd just like to ask you a few questions about the film you just saw.
I thought it was great. Scared the shit out of me, but it was great.
Not confused?
- No. - No.
- Not even at the end? - No. I thought it was clever.
My mate saw it last week and said it was bollocks.
Thank you. You've been most helpful.
What are you worried about? It's not as if I messed with the popcorn.
Hi.
How you doing?
How am I doing what?
What you reading for?
Don't you mean, "What am I reading?"
No, I can see the title of the book from here.
Well, I'm reading to improve my mind...
so I don't have to work as an usher for the rest of my life.
I just thought you might be revising for a test or something.
You're right. I don't find myself mentally challenged by this job.
But I'd like to be mentally challenged.
Wow, you look...
nice.
Look, I'm not very good with words.
Especially one word.
- Sorry? - No, you're very good with that one.
Anything?
No.
There must be something I can say to change your mind.
Wankers!
God, I love this job.
They went that way.
I did tell you all the corridors were interconnected.
Welcome to Health World.
Look...
this is probably my fault, so... sorry.
But why don't you take the rest of the day off?
I'll see you get paid. Want to do that?
- What the hell, Kris? - What?
I'm not the one in the water.
Well, you could be.
Threatening company staff?
Quite serious.
- Hey, Suks. - Emil.
- Kris, report to the foyer. - I'd better take this.
- Sorry about... - No worries.
It's all set for tonight. It is going to be big.
You know, I still can't believe you're leaving without sampling some E.
Later?
Emil, you're very sweet...
but you know, I'm trying to cut down on Es. They're not good for me.
Then how about an F?
Join the Q, baby. Join the Q.
You okay?
So you're leaving?
Yeah. Today's my last day.
Okay.
What's plan C?
We have to start to get her to think in film terms.
One of the most effective ways of doing this is through music.
Basic psychology.
Romantic music, romantic thoughts.
But it is obvious. And short of playing this over the Tannoy all day...
we're going to have to be a lot smarter.
So try this. The romance pattern is the triangle.
Boy A likes Girl A, but Girl A likes Boy B.
Girl C likes Boy A. Only, they happen to best friends.
Isn't that a square, then?
This pattern appears in real life as well, but in the movies...
the friends always get it together in the end.
Boy A realizes Girl A is shallow, blah, blah, blah.
So, all you have to do is position Suki as Girl C.
Understand?
No.
Just pretend you fancy another girl...
any other girl...
and then tell Suki about it.
And that's it?
For now.
Suki's seen the films. On a subconscious level, she knows how things work.
This sounds simple yet complicated.
It's a just a triangle.
Zak.
- Why are you helping me? - My theory's always been...
theoretical.
You're my field test.
Bollocks, come, piss, shit. Piss-shit.
Sorry.
Sorry about the pool thing.
Kris does it every time we hire someone new.
Him and Emil like to wind each other up.
- Why? - Well, they went to school together.
Suki, do you?
Yeah?
Do you know anything about...
Annie?
Well, she's a nice girl.
She's a bit quiet, though I don't really know her all that well.
Why?
Because I...
like her.
Really?
Wow, that was quick.
I've liked her a long time before that.
I used to come here twice a week just to see her.
That's why I recognize you.
Yeah.
She doesn't know this, though, does she?
I'm not good at talking to girls I like.
Our longest conversation was "Screen seven." "Thank you."
Don't worry.
Leave it to me.
What do you want now, Kris?
I have a date with Annie.
It's fine. It's fine.
But it's with the wrong girl.
Well, it's not until the party tonight...
so you've still got all day to work on Suki.
- Isn't that unfair on Annie? - Well, yes.
In rom-coms there's always the other boy or girl...
who gets totally screwed over...
by being fool enough for dating one of the main two.
Girl D.
C.
What?
It's not me being cruel. It's the conventions.
So...
- Looking forward to your hot date? - No!
Yes. I am.
Well, you know, the party should be good.
And I'm not just saying it cos it's mine.
Hey, you should see the fancy dress Annie got hold of. I almost fancy her.
Cool.
- Fancy dress? - Yeah.
A fancy-dress pool party.
You know, what famous people would wear if they went swimming.
Oh, right.
That's just dumb.
And what should I do tonight then?
I mean, what would you want a guy to do, if you were her?
Just be a man, for goodness' sake.
I'm sure Annie and I have very different tastes.
But in general?
All right. Well, in general...
compliments are good.
- What? - I'm just really bad at compliments.
How bad?
Well, they always come out sounding sarcastic.
I see how that could be a problem.
I think it's cos the usual ones are all so bad and old and tired and clichéd.
Maybe you just need to think of some new ones.
New clichés?
That would impress her. You know, that would impress me.
- You're amazing. - Too much.
- You're the best. - Too keen.
You're not bad?
Wankers!
My thoughts exactly.
Hi.
- You read Freud? - What?
Yeah.
What for?
Fun.
What chapter are you on?
Anal eroticism.
And do you understand it?
Yeah.
Lo?
Yeah?
What does "eroticism" mean?
Eroticism is a cultivation of feeling expressed through bodily sensation...
an aesthetic focused on sexual desire...
especially the feelings of anticipation of sexual activity.
Okay.
Lo?
Yeah?
What does "anal" mean?
What are you doing?
Carl went to the toilet. He asked me to cover him.
Why are you not still in the screen?
The movie's finished.
Why do some people on the gate rip the tickets and some people don't?
Cheers.
Don't know what you're talking about.
Screen nine.
Cos if that is what you're saying, it's very serious.
Why?
Well, if... Did you just say "screen nine"?
What? Yeah.
To the nice little granny and the grandkids?
You've just sent them to see a shockingly violent horror film.
The ticket must've been upside down.
It'll be okay, though. The film hasn't started yet.
The trailers have. Blood Tracks.
College Killers. Teenage Shagging.
Too late. They'll be scarred for life.
At least...
only emotionally.
I completely understand. It's his first day. We have to make allowances.
I'm sorry, we don't have to make allowances.
Not when we've got very small children involved here.
He just didn't realize what he was doing.
Well, he should realize what he's doing.
- I understand that. - Especially with children.
We're on the same page here. Why don't you take these free tickets?
Oh, well, thank you very much. Yes, thank you, we will.
I'm really sorry.
Can see I'm going to have to keep you out of trouble.
She will be mine.
Oh, yes, by the end of tonight, she will be all mine.
Get out.
I'll be back.
Sit there.
Stay.
- What am I supposed to be doing? - Staying.
So you're me.
No, that can't be right. You've got a girlfriend.
Least I can't run into Annie.
Philistine.
Parasite.
Luddite.
Socialist.
So have you worked out who it is yet?
Still think it's the new guy, Danny.
Put him out of the way for now.
Danny? He looks about 12.
Yeah, I know, but management can be pretty crafty, right?
Look, if it's not him or the other guy...
then it's somebody who's been here for a while.
I told you this was a bad idea.
Me? I just work here.
Prick.
Somebody order some popcorn?
Okay, now this is serious.
I just wanted to come say hi.
Hi.
I just wanted to sort of check...
that what Suki said was true. I mean...
that it wasn't just some sort of joke.
You know? That you wanted to...
Oh, yeah.
I do.
Okay.
Good.
What's this?
No, nothing.
Looks a bit like Suki.
Yeah. I'd better get back to...
What are you doing in here?
Kris has got me...
working on some computer files.
Shouldn't the computer be on, then?
Yeah. I had to reset it.
It was playing up. I'll just power it up again.
- Oh, my God, it's you. - Don't worry. I'm not gonna hurt...
I don't think that was the right button.
Why isn't it coming back on?
It was an accident.
Okay. Who do I fire?
Don't worry. He won't fire you.
They just want us out the way so they can sort things out.
When was the last time you read this?
Read it? I can't even lift it.
I'll deal with the customers. You fix this.
The engineer's gonna be at least another half-hour.
Says here we can do a power up. "20 easy stages in ten easy minutes."
And how long have you been going already?
About three minutes.
Then you're five stages behind.
Well, now I'm five stages ahead.
Looks like they're getting things back online. See? No major harm done.
Okay, we've got three hours left until the party.
That gives us one more shot, maybe two.
What would a film do?
Think up some unbelievable plot line to get them together.
What would a good film do?
Have some real sharp dialogue that pierces the outer shell of the woman...
and shows her that they're destined to be together.
She likes compliments.
Yeah, well, all girls like compliments.
Yeah, but she wants one that's totally original.
You know, I'd complain about them making us wear these outfits...
if I didn't look so unbelievably hot.
Except I hate my crappy hair.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
But messy's, okay. Some guys like that.
It's lucky most guys like stupid.
My last boyfriend used to say I had the mind of a saint...
the eyes of an angel and the smile of a princess.
What did he say about your worn-out rectum?
You were never mentioned.
At least I'm not some cheap blonde bimbo.
Dunno why everyone keeps calling me that.
I mean, I know I'm not a bimbo. And I know I'm not blonde.
How we getting on with the displays?
Still typing.
Get it up there. Quick.
"Sarah's Highly Innocent Teenage Exploration"...
19:10 and 20:50.
Shit! These titles are way too long.
Sod the titles, just put the initials for now.
Go on.
So, how are we doing with plan D? For "dialogue".
Badly.
But I've worked out the secret.
Did you set this to the right frequency?
Yeah?
Come on, then.
I...
I really like...
the way you...
you...
never really close your mouth.
No, I mean...
You've got one eyebrow bigger than the other.
No. Sorry.
The way your hair's messy.
Do you want her to kiss you or hit you?
Pain.
What?
Pain.
She makes me hurt when she's not around.
But it's not about me.
It's she's just so good and right and she gives me faith in everyone.
Even if I am nothing to her...
I am just so happy that someone like her exists.
Who'd have thunk it?
Glad to see all is working.
Well, that was very sensitive.
Thank you.
You're not gay, are you?
No, I'm not.
And a very, very rubbish heterosexual.
This is our spy?
Teenage Exploration.
That can't be right.
It's just the initials.
- Danny. - Yes?
You know what you said about...
Annie? Were you...
Next.
Next!
Can I have a seat for SHITE, please?
Sold out. Sorry.
How do you feel about DICK?
Kiss My Anuts?
- And? - Well, we're not fired.
Just on first warning, and banned from any room with a computer in it.
Bunch of...
Next time I need an idiot to do something, I'll do it myself.
Hey, it's Laura. Leave a message.
Hi, sis. I hope you get this message in time.
I need you to come to the cinema tonight, as soon as you can.
Tell Mom...
Just tell Mum what you want. As long as you get here.
Plan B isn't quite working out. Or plan C, or D.
Anyway, can you bring your pink jacket?
And your cap.
And put your hair in pigtails.
I'll explain everything when you get here. Bye.
Are you sure this is gonna work?
Zak 's sure.
I'm gonna go and have a quick word with Zak.
Having trouble with girls? Maybe you need a plan...
or maybe not.
There are computers in here.
Right.
You look tired...
stressed, tense.
Yeah. That's because I am.
Well, I don't wear the uniform for nothing.
Do you want to play doctor?
Now? With everything that's...
going on?
Well, I'm sure I can make you feel better.
Screw doctor. Let's play gynecologist.
Come here.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Just...
I'll lock the door.
And we're on. Where was I?
Why don't you tell me how that feels?
Hi.
What the...
What...
I'm fucking speechless.
What are you doing?
He's management. He's been watching us all day.
- You're fucking kidding me? - Just play along. Play along.
You know we're just messing about, don't you?
We weren't really gonna do anything.
One-time thing.
Okay.
Why don't you take your break?
Okay.
And there's no need to mention this to anybody.
- Anyone. - Ever.
No, I won't.
Good. Go on, then.
Bye.
Kris.
They were doing what?
When they caught me, they acted as if they were in trouble or something.
Listen, don't worry. Your turn will come.
Wow, that first kiss. There's nothing like it, huh?
Really?
- What? - You've never kissed a girl before?
Of course I've kissed a girl before.
Once. Just not very well.
- How not very well? - There was blood.
- Yours or hers? - Hers.
- Then mine. - That's bad...
but correctable.
Before Zak, half the guys that I kissed were terrible.
I mean, kissing is the lost art form.
Come here. I'm gonna show you something.
But Zak...
Look, I don't mind Zak helping you in his way.
He's not gonna mind me helping you in mine.
Now come here.
We'll start with a few fundamentals, and we'll go from there.
First, there's the first kiss.
No tongues, just the coming together of the lips.
No force. Let me lead.
Think of it like a research kiss.
You're finding out how her lips feel.
How forceful she is right off.
Then you introduce the tongue.
Not bad. Well, now, we have a few different tongue actions.
There's the swirl.
And we have the graze.
The porn. Stick out your tongue.
That's disgusting.
Okay, now we can combine a few other techniques.
The soft touch.
The hard press.
And the neck.
That's not disgusting.
Now you try.
- How was that? - Great. I learned a lot.
- Well, good luck. - Thanks.
You're lucky I like to watch.
Next time, it's your turn.
Does this plan have a name?
Plan E. For "emergency".
Wow, you look...
nice.
I mean...
- I'm sorry I'm late. I mean... - What are you doing here?
Look, you know I'm not very good with words.
Especially one word.
- Sorry. - No, you're very good with that one.
No, no, no, no. Please stay.
I'm scared.
There must be something I can say to change your mind.
I'm scared.
I'm scared?
Vile.
Rank.
Foul.
Fleering.
Viperous.
Base.
Scut.
Carl's Bar and Grill.
Yeah, not bad.
What? Hello?
Oh, please, let it be a real fire.
Kris.
Sorry to stop the film.
There has been a security alert, so for your own safety...
could you please all make your way to the nearest fire exits?
It is important that you leave the screen.
This is not a drill, but there is no need to panic.
A fire alarm has been tripped.
It's just that these walls are soundproofed...
and you could all be trapped.
And...
die a horrible, screaming death.
Don't worry. Your tickets will be refunded.
I'm gonna do a final check.
You're supposed to be in the middle.
The middle was disgusting.
And don't complain. It's bad enough having to make myself look eight.
- Get over there, now. - Make me.
Get over there, now. Or I won't let you sleep in my room.
You know, I'd have thought offering her some free tickets...
would have worked better.
So, your sister's cool.
Yeah, sometimes.
You're sitting in our seats.
Says it on your ticket, does it?
That's our popcorn you're eating.
Excuse me, is there a problem?
Yeah, they're sitting in our seats and eating our popcorn.
Are you sure you're in the right screen, Goldilocks?
What did you just call my wife?
She called her a bitch. Now piss off.
Kris, can you come to screen three, please? We have...
a thing.
Not right now.
Got a bit of a thing ourselves in the foyer.
Just do an exit maneuver. You know how to handle it.
I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
You can't speak to the other customers in that way.
Go away, little boy.
Sorry, but you have to leave.
As the film has stopped, you will get your money back.
- Come on, get out. - Make me.
The film will not start until you two are both outside.
I'm gonna count to three, and then I need you both to come with me.
One.
Two.
Three.
Kris...
What the hell happened to him?
Customer.
Was the movie that bad?
Danny, will you give us a minute?
I'll meet you in Projection. They should have a first-aid kit.
Well, I was gonna wait for the party, but...
well, if you wanna give it a go now...
How about 15 minutes?
Really?
I don't wanna go out with you. I don't even really like you.
But you're attractive, fit...
and apparently very good.
So why wait?
My shift ends.
It'll give me a chance to get into my costume.
Where?
Cleaning closet.
This sounds like a setup. And Kris wouldn't be up to this, would he?
You think I wouldn't want to do you otherwise?
No. But...
Holy shit.
If you don't turn up, you can keep those as a souvenir...
of what you could have had.
Stop it.
Have you got a first-aid kit up here?
What happened to you?
He tried to play the hero.
Come on.
Right, well, this should do.
You know, I'm almost jealous of Annie.
You are?
Yeah. Now I come to look at you...
you're not bad-looking.
Funny.
This is it. This is the moment. He's gonna get the girl.
Boy, are we good.
But it's not a true movie moment...
unless it's seen by a wider audience.
Maybe it's the scar.
Makes you look damaged.
There is something to be said about digital after all.
Been wanting to try this out for ages.
Everyone not serving, in the digi room, now.
Well, we can't all have perfect hair...
eyes, body and personality.
Who are you talking about?
Annie.
Liar.
Fine.
You.
Do you know how many guys have told me I'm perfect?
I'm hoping none, but I'm thinking more than one.
Yeah, and all it makes me feel is pressured.
Yeah, Danny, you don't know how hard it is if everyone thinks that you're...
Little Miss Perfect.
That's just not right.
What?
I don't know how hard it is when people call you perfect...
because nobody's called me perfect before.
They've called me stupid and ugly a few times...
and that's pretty shit, let me tell you.
You know what? If it makes you feel better, I'll take it back, okay?
You're self-absorbed, you're short and you've got stumpy knees.
Yeah? Well, at least it beats being average.
Yeah, average height, average weight, average personality.
These are the two worst trash talkers ever.
Come on, call her a dirty ho with a leaky box.
That's just nasty.
Yeah, well, maybe I'm just a nasty girl.
Are you sure this is gonna happen?
Well, it's gonna be a movie moment, maybe just not the one he wants.
You should take this.
They're pathetic.
Well, that was surprising.
But I like you as a friend.
I'm sorry. I really like you...
I just I don't see you that way. I mean, don't take it personally or anything.
It's not you, okay? It's me.
I mean, I'm not even sure if I like guys, you know?
- As a gender. - What?
I'm also thinking about joining a convent.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
It's just really hard to keep that going.
Wow, you would have believed anything I said, wouldn't you?
So you're not a lesbian who wants to become a nun?
I don't suppose it would do any harm now, anyway.
Technically, I'm not even Suki.
You're not John, are you?
Don't worry, I'm not a man.
I'm a plant.
Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.
We're in shit.
"Don't rip the tickets," you said.
"Put'em back in the box office and we'll resell'em."
"Keep the money." "Make up for being underpaid."
"No one will notice", you said.
I can't get a criminal record.
My mum'll kill me.
You're a plant?
Like a spy. But not so melodramatic.
Look, my management sent me here to check out a couple of things.
Hey, it helps if you look young for your age.
- How old are you? - 25.
- I thought you were 18. - And perfect.
- Yeah. - Yeah. Suki...
the perfect male fantasy. Pretty but not vain.
Honest yet playful.
Innocent but with a hint of dirty minx.
You know, when it comes down to it, you men are all pretty basic creatures.
Look, Danny, you're really nice...
but it was never gonna happen.
Hey, good kiss, though.
Enjoy my party.
- Suki. - Yeah?
What the hell is going on in this place?
Don't worry.
If they've got anybody, they've got me, all right?
I'll say it was all me, I forced you to do it...
and I kept all the money.
But you have kept all the money.
- What did she say? What did she find? - Nothing. She said nothing to me anyway.
But it's something big. She's been collecting evidence for months.
I am so screwed.
Kris and a few of the staff...
Katerina and a few of the staff.
- A few of the staff have been... - Stealing. I saw the money.
Look, why don't you just put it back?
Because, you moron...
Because...
Why don't we just put it back?
How can you be done for theft if nothing's been taken?
Everybody got the codes?
You know the numbers won't add up?
That's the accountant's problem.
Kris?
Yes, Max?
Why do we have so many people on for the late show?
Suki's party. Later.
They're just hanging around till then.
Not getting paid.
Good.
Kris, this is Inspector Davis. Can you gather everyone around?
We have an announcement to make.
The police are here to arrest and question all those involved with...
the dealing of drugs out of the complex.
And that, that is not me.
We just put all the money back.
Sorry.
If they're not after you, then who?
Drugs disguised as drugs.
It's just chocolate.
Chocolate's a drug.
Then who is it?
Emil Jennings has been arrested and charged for dealing illegal substances.
But I feel this cinema has many, many other problems.
And for some reason, I think I might just be back here sometime soon.
Emil.
Now, Kris, let's talk about just why the tills are bursting with money today.
See? Told you. Marilyn Monroe.
At least you were right about that.
No. The film patterns do work...
you just have to find the right pattern. I know it.
Can you stop it now?
I really did try and it just didn't work. But that's okay.
I just wanna have a good time without worrying about getting the girl.
And do you know? That's okay too.
Well, that's brilliant. That's the missing element.
You've transcended the game.
You started out shallow, obsessing over a girl you barely know...
but over the course of your adventure...
you've achieved emotional growth.
So only now do you deserve the girl.
But she wasn't even real.
She didn't exist in the first place.
I'm brilliant, I am.
I go for a real girl who looks like a make-believe girl...
who turns out to be make-believe.
Irony.
- You having a good time? - Yeah, yeah. You?
Yeah.
We forgot about dramatic irony.
You deserve a girl, but who could it be?
If it can't be The One, then irony comes into play.
And we've forgotten all about her.
Who?
Shit.
Wouldn't it be ironic if the girl you chose at random...
in fact turned out to be the one you end up with?
She's probably not even here.
I think your moment has arrived.
Annie, you look fantastic.
I saw you.
On the big screen.
With Suki.
I'm not very good with words.
Try these.
Filthy. Sneaky.
Vile. Foul.
Loathsome.
Lascivious.
Bloody bastard.
Asshole. Two-faced fucker.
Really two-faced fucker.
Sorry, I was looking for the changing rooms.
I know that looks good, but is that comfortable?
Yeah, it's okay. Does tend to get in your eyes a bit, though.
Well, I'm gonna go, then. Somewhere else.
Are you okay?
I don't understand.
Maybe it's because this is real life and not a film.
And they're not the same.
Come on.
It just doesn't work like that.
Hi.
I love the outfit.
Yukino.
You're the first person to get it.
I would say I like your outfit as well, but it's...
I didn't even know this was a fancy-dress party.
You mean you wore those to work?
Yes.
Yeah, I did. And I'm gonna have to wear them home again, too.
Well...
it's what's inside that counts.
Tell me, do you watch a lot of movies?
Would you hate me if I said no?
No. Not at all.
In fact, that's the best no I've ever had.
Cool. Cos I've got loads more. Come on, ask me something else.
- Do you like compliments? - No.
- Do you not like men as a gender? - No.
- Are you thinking of joining a convent? - No.
But not till later.
Most people think that cinemas are in the popcorn business.
No, they don't.
Hi. I'm Zak, one of...
Real lesbians really are like screen... No, they're not.
Is it about a 16-year-old Catholic schoolgirl who decides to...
What's he with? "What's he with"?
Cut.
Cinema...
and movies. And...
So does this mean I'm gonna get the girl?
Okay.
I can't...
Still rolling.
So does this mean...
I'm really sorry. I'm never gonna get it right. Bastard.
- Fancy dress? - Lee, do you want a drink?
Why do you have to say "Free tickets" every time?
Ten easy stages in...
My nose is running, anyway.
My last boyfriend used to say I had the mind of a saint...
the eyes of an angel and the...
I hope you just find him, Jane. Sorry.
He had one line. One...
But don't worry. Your tickets will be refunded.
Sorry...
Everyone not serving, in the digi room, now.
In a minute.
Not yet.
- You mother... - Forget it.
These are the two worst trash talkers ever.
Come on, call her a...
And cut that.
Everybody...
Everybody got the codes?
Can you gather everybody around? We have an announcement to make.
Can you gather everyone around? We have an... Oh, for...
Okay, back on again. And off.
Sorry. Keep running it.
Okay. Off.
Recovered by (c) dCd / August 2018